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EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER
(Part 3: The Kitchen - Communication)

Opening Prayer, Confession of Faith & Worship

Big Idea:
Sticks and stones may break my bones and words can REALLY hurt me. What we say and how we say it matters greatly, and good communication is essential to good relationships. 

Summary:
Good communication is a vital component of healthy marriages and other relationships, while bad communication is a relationship killer. The Bible indicates that communication skills are key to Christian discipleship. We are called to submit all areas of our lives to God - especially how we speak and communicate with one another. Selfishness and pride are huge barriers to wholesome communication. The prideful always want to be right, and the selfish always want their way. Both frequently use words to accomplish their impure motives. However, the communication between two people who have surrendered their lives to Christ and have humbled themselves will be gracious, polite, and encouraging instead of destructive. 

We must remember that good communication doesn’t just involve talking at someone, but also planning our words, listening, and encouraging. (1) Plan your words before you say them. Solomon said in Proverbs 16:23, “Intelligent people think before they speak.” That means you don’t wing-it and throw words around carelessly. (2) Be a good listener. “He who answers before listening - this is his folly and shame” Proverbs 18:13. Remember, we listen with our ears, but also with our eyes. Body language speaks volumes. If you’re like me, you like talking much more than listening, but a good communicator will seek to understand and then to be understood. (3) Any fool can be a critic, but the wise will lead with encouragement. Paul tells the Christians in Thessalonica to, “Encourage one another and build each other up.” Try to begin and end all communication by building up, not tearing down. Bottom line: If we love one another, it will show itself in how we communicate.

Discussion Questions: (read the Scripture & discuss)

James 3:5-12
Why is taming the tongue (what we say) so important? James says that fresh and salt water can’t both flow from the same spring; discuss how this relates to our communication. 

Proverbs 15:1-7
How do these passages expose the importance of our words? Discuss differences between good and bad communication.

Luke 6:45
Why should it deeply concern you when you speak harsh and abrasive words to others? What kind of change must take place in order for our communication to sincerely improve?

Taking Action: Make it a point this week to plan your words carefully and to listen to others before speaking. Also, go out of your way to be an encourager and build others up with your words. Make note of the results and share it with the group next week.

Ministry Time

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OPPOSITE WORLD
(Living as citizens of heaven)

Opening Prayer, Confession of Faith & Worship

Big Idea:
As Christians, we still live in the world, but we are not supposed to live like the world. We are called to be set apart and live in a place called “opposite world”.

Summary:
If you are in Christ, you are a new creation, and your life is forever different because your purpose for living has completely changed. With your new identity also comes a new allegiance and a new citizenship in the kingdom of heaven, which we’ll call opposite world. Let’s take a look at some of the differences between this world and opposite world. The kingdom of this world lifts up the popular, beautiful, bold, proud, rich, wealthy, wild, dangerous, fun-loving, and exciting. Jesus describes the citizens of His kingdom as humble, meek, thirsty for righteousness, merciful, pure in heart, peacemakers, and persecuted. Here’s the bottom line: a citizen of God’s kingdom will put the needs of others before themselves and will find their blessings in serving the desires of the King rather than their own.

Repentance, the act of changing our thinking and our purpose for living, is essential as we make the move to opposite world and a life lived for Christ. In fact, we can’t follow Christ without repentance. We can’t turn to Him without turning from our old ways of thinking and living. This is because we can’t serve two masters. We can’t truly hold onto Christ without letting go of the world. We come to a fork in the road of life. We can’t go both directions - thus, the need for repentance. Which path will we choose: this world or opposite world? Will we continue living for ourselves or live solely for Christ?

With that said, we have to remember that we are not called to totally abandon this world, but instead we are called to be salt and light in this world. This means that we must engage this world by sharing the love of Christ and the truth of the gospel with others. We must live like Christ, treat others like Christ would treat them, and tell others about Him. Therefore, let’s live the rest of our lives as citizens of opposite world, while putting the kingdom of God into practice in this world.

Discussion Questions: (read the Scripture & discuss)

Matthew 5:1-12
How does Jesus describe a citizen of opposite world? Discuss how these character qualities should be demonstrated in our lives. How does this differ from the qualities promoted by this world?

Matthew 6:19-24
Why should we invest in God’s kingdom instead of this world? Because our allegiance can’t be divided, how do we serve God instead of this world? What are some things that we must lay down?

Matthew 5:13-16
What happens if we don’t embrace the ways of opposite world, but instead revert back to the ways of this world? Discuss real ways that we can be salt and light in today’s culture.  

Taking Action: Examine your life and determine if you have a divided allegiance. Repent by correcting your thinking and submitting all areas of your life to God.

Ministry Time

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EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER
(Part 2: The Front Porch—Single Life)

Opening Prayer, Confession of Faith & Worship

Big Idea:
The church tends to fall into a “one size fits all” mentality and marriage is often promoted as an essential and favored experience for Christians. However, God does not call us all to marriage, but He does call us all to an undivided devotion to Him.

Summary:
God has a specific purpose and plan for each of our lives and we are all expected to cooperate with Him. We are called to serve God, and our life decisions must all be based on His will. This is especially true when it comes to our marital status. For many, God’s perfect plan involves marriage and the raising of children. However, for others God’s perfect plan is best accomplished through a life of singleness. While marriage is a God-ordained institution, the Bible never insists that everyone be married. In fact, being single can actually provide increased access and ability to serve the purposes of God and His Kingdom. The Apostle Paul, for example, did not have to worry about the extra concerns that come with marriage and family. In fact, he admits that he would not have been such a useful messenger to all of us if he had been married.

Staying single so that you can serve the kingdom of God is a very noble motive. However, staying single for selfish reasons is almost always a twisted motive, because as Christians we are not called to live for ourselves, but for Christ. Our desires must be His desires. We must put aside all selfishness and vain conceit and align our lives with His will.

Remember, everyone’s priority must be to God, whether single or married. Being single gives us more time and energy to be devoted to the work of God. But, being married doesn’t give us an excuse to not be fully devoted to Him. If you are single, embrace your singleness as a gift and a unique opportunity to glorify God. Pour your life into your first-love: Jesus Christ. Stop asking, “Why am I alone”, and start asking, “God, why am I here?” God will show you and He will do things in you and through you beyond what you could ever imagine or hope for.

Discussion Questions: (read the Scripture & discuss)

Matthew 19:12
Does Jesus say that marriage is for everyone? What are some reasons people stay single?

1 Corinthians 7:7-9
How did Paul view his singleness? What is a clear indication that you should not stay single, but instead marry? Why is it better to marry in this case? How can we apply this truth of not placing ourselves in the middle of unnecessary temptation to other areas of our life? 

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
Every one of us must be fully devoted to the Lord. Why might this be easier for a single person? If you are married, how can you make sure your undivided devotion is to the Lord?

Taking Action: Single or married, examine your life and see if it is fully devoted to God and His purposes. God must be #1. So, are there things in your life that need to be removed or demoted? Make a list and begin the renovation for the glory of God.

Ministry Time

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EXTREME HOME MAKEOVER
(Part 1: Relationships by Design)

Opening Prayer, Confession of Faith & Worship

Big Idea:
Like a house, relationships, especially the marriage relationship, must be built on a solid foundation if they are expected to stand the test of time and last. Also, like a house, relationships need maintenance, care, and at times an extreme makeover.

Summary:
How do you begin to makeover a relationship? Every Christian relationship, especially Christian marriage, must be built on the solid foundation of Christ. Both people must be in love with Christ, filled with His Spirit, and submitted to His will over their own. Without this foundation, any renovation done to the relationship will eventually fail. Selfishness is a key indicator that you may be standing on a man-made foundation instead of the foundation of Christ. Where do you go after the foundation is solid? Too many people say, “I’m not the one who needs changing; let’s change you.”  This is a recipe for more failure. Jesus makes it clear that the renovation project must start with ourselves when He tells us to get rid of the plank from our own eye before helping remove the speck from the other person’s eye.  Are you single? This also applies to you because you must undergo your own renovation before you ever considering beginning a new relationship and taking on someone else’s baggage.

One of the best places to start your extreme home makeover is with forgiveness. In fact, without this component, the project will fail. Nothing can destroy a marriage relationship faster than unforgiveness, and unforgiveness has huge consequences both in this present life and for the life to come. We have been forgiven much and therefore we must forgive others.

Wanting something to change isn’t enough. A house doesn’t get built by itself and a relationship doesn’t just fix itself; all the planning and hoping in the world won’t do a thing unless you take action. So, roll up your sleeves and have at it. It is also recommended to check with the blueprints (the Bible) and with the foreman (the Holy Spirit) frequently as you tackle your extreme home makeover.

Discussion Questions: (read the Scripture & discuss)

Matthew 7:24-27
What does Jesus say is the foundation? What is the result of building a relationship on anything except this foundation? How does this passage demonstrate the importance of “putting it into practice”? What does it look like to build our relationships this way?  

Luke 6:41-42
Where does Jesus say the renovation project must start? Why? What can we then do after we remove the plank from our own eye? Give examples of planks and specks.

Matthew 18:21-35
Why is forgiveness so important? What happens if we don’t forgive others? Share personal stories of forgiveness with the group.

Taking Action: God’s grace gives us what we need to successfully complete the makeover. But, we must take action. If you are married, discuss with your spouse these critical components of your relationship and support each other as you each submit to God, deal with your own sins, and forgive each other. Don’t wait another day to take action.

Ministry Time

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GO BIG OR GO HOME!
(Part 6: Passion to die for)

Opening Prayer, Confession of Faith & Worship (optional)

Big Idea:
Do you have a passion worth dying for? As Christians our passion for Christ should have already resulted in our death. That’s right; we are called to passionately die to self everyday and thus, to live for God.

Summary:
Jesus had a passion to do the will of His Father. He only did what the Father sent Him to do. In His willingness to fulfill His destiny as the Savior of the world through the pain of the cross, He demonstrated that His passion wasn’t superficial, but was actually a “passion to die for”. Jesus went all the way with His passion, and we too must follow His example.

Is your passion big enough to die for? Is your passion for Christ so big that you are willing to die for Him? Have you forsaken all others including your own wants, desires, comforts, and even dreams for the sake of God’s calling, His mission, His will, and His gospel? Actually, we must have a passion to die for otherwise we cannot call ourselves followers of Christ. God gives us a choice; have a passion for “self” or have a passion to die for. If we choose “self” then we are not worthy to follow after Jesus. In fact, “Only when you have laid everything on the altar, only when the sacrifice is complete, will the Holy Spirit witness with your spirit that you have reached the ground of your heart-that you are at last utterly honest with God.”

People are choosing to die for their passion, Jesus Christ, everyday. For some it is actually physical death and martyrdom. However, for others it is putting to death pride, selfishness, and sin. Remember, we are called to a life of passion for God and we must die for our passion.

Discussion Questions: (read the scripture & discuss)

Luke 22:41-44
What was Jesus’ ultimate passion? How far did he go with it and what was the result of Jesus living out His passion? Is His passion your passion? Discuss…

Matthew 10:38-39 & Matthew 16:24-25
Taking up our cross means we must die to ourselves. What does this look like in our lives? What do these passages indicate are the results of not having a passion “to die for”? 

Daniel 3:1-30
Discuss the passion of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. What are some modern equivalents? What was the result of their passion? Our passion for God matters. Discuss what you are doing to develop and keep an intense passion for God “to die for”. 

Taking Action: Go big this week. Be honest with yourself and write down what you are passionate for. Now, are you willing to die for these things? If your passion is not God and if it’s not worth dying for, then cry out to God with everything in you, “Create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me.” But, be ready because He will do it.

Ministry Time